I’ve been struggling to figure out some goals for the future, but it hasn’t been going as smoothly as I’d like. Maybe it’s just the course of getting old or letting go of past beliefs I used to have. It’s a struggle because I used to have a clear path to what I wanted. I wanted to be an author and write, but I always turned down another road.
Working at the credit union, my days involved staring out the window in anxiety and boredom. It’s as if a restless animal is trapped, and you have no place to go. Maybe they sensed it, and it is why I could not understand the culture of being complacent with “typical.” People always told me I belonged in an office, but after spending a year there, there is a yearning I cannot place a name on that keeps calling to me.
It may sound cliche to call feelings a “yearning,” but it’s something that I haven’t reached. There are some things that are beyond generating cash and meeting corporate goals.
As much as my inner competitor enjoys the challenge of deadlines, and reaching these performance goals, there has to be something more to all of this. Despite my disbelief in gods, it’s something about finding peace within the chaos around me.
But, I’m looking for it; just give me a second to see where I land.